20 minutes: Process of The Mother Maker

The reality of self portraits with two small children to tend to.

I told myself 20 minutes.
I’ll just take 20 minutes and snap these photos and be done.

The idea had struck me the day before. 
Sometimes I have to wait weeks before executing a concept.
I used to go through with ideas right then and there or they’d be lost forever,
in my pre-motherhood days. 
Now when they come I tuck them away safe,
and I wait. 

This time though, I didn’t have to wait long.
I feel asleep to the ideas swarming around in my mind. 

Which angles will I shoot? 
What window will I use? 
What will I wear? 

Sometimes these thoughts are pointless because I’m always inspired by the current moment.
What is the light doing, what angle actually looks good, and how do I feel about certain parts of my face or body in frame. 

By the time morning came I was bursting with excitement.
But I don’t get to shoot straight away.
No, I must practice patience.

I need the right light and,
I need to mother. 

So I change nappies. 
Brush my teeth and apply some Bluem finger lime to my face for a hydrated glow. 

I make breakfast.
Set up the camera.
Feed the baby.
Entertain the toddler.
Further set up the camera.
And then,
I begin to shoot.

It always takes a little to warm up. 
But God, it feels so good to do. 

20 minutes. 

I just need 20 minutes. 

5 minutes in and the baby is hungry. 
She feeds longer because she is tired. 
I take test shots while she feeds. 
I put her back down.

Finally, I can shoot.

The toddler comes in again.
This time he wants to sit on the stool I’m using.
We negotiate me using the stool now and he can use it later.
Out again.
More photos.
He’s back, wants me to eat the “toast” he made from puzzle pieces.
Off he goes, the baby has put herself to sleep by my side.
Thank you, I whisper.

More photos. 

Toddler comes in and out some more.
Hangs off of my leg.
Asks me questions.
Shows me things. 

The light is becoming more and more amazing.

I want to keep going. 

But 20 minutes becomes an hour and a half and now I must make lunch.

These photos will have to do,
until next time.

P.s. How’s the environmental chaos that I’m shooting amongst! This bed is being used as a bed by baby Flo, play mat, home office, and I’ve got a half packed box on top waiting to be finished. Not to mention the piles of boxes, books, kids clothes that don’t fit, and donation pile that covers the floor space.

P.p.s. The photos I took will be available in a separate newsletter for paid subscribers. If you’d like to support my art, and my family, please consider becoming a paid subscriber <3